A few weeks later and all I can do is shout from the rooftops of His goodness and mercy. I'm sleeping earlier, and working only from Monday to Friday. Taking early mornings to recharge and talk to Him while walking or biking the puppy, taking the weekend to completely unplug from work and do FUN things....Realizing that having FUN is an important part of living a godly life. Yes! Who would have thought that joy was so integral to holiness? It's like a giant secret lying out in the open. So, I am pursuing it through music (playing violin for His glory), through written word (writing creative poetry again), through action (exercising and running through grass, climbing trees), and by recovering the silliness which was fading away from me all too quickly. At the same time, rejoicing rejoicing and rejoicing in the newness of life with Him--I have been set free from an old old sin, a chain so long is stretched back generations. The chain has been snapped! I used to be emotionally abusive to myself and to my children. I sought the Lord and He heard me and He set me free from all my fears! A weight lifted off my back as I realized that I no longer have to struggle on my own. He fought for me and won! Isn't He great...
Granted, I'm taking care to stay away from my old haunts (places called "staying awake late at night" and "not eating well") and keeping good company (Jesus, John Eldridge, John Piper) to discover what God wants my life to be...How to give Him the glory.
Right now, Lily has fallen asleep and I am off to work...
Praise Him at all times, ye people!
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Friday, May 30, 2014
Running on Rocks
Seems like all you have to do is make a plan for all the forces of nature to come against it. Prepare yourself. This may be a whiney post if I don't get it together.
Work is going fine. Parenting is not. I stayed up too late working one night, and it was as if I had not eaten in two days. The next day I was weak, dizzy, and barely functioning. There is a hard line in the dirt about how much I need to eat and sleep in order to function and I pushed it too far.
Note to self: I am not a machine.
Then, along with sleep deprivation (which has become something like a hard drug in my life--I am a different person when sleep deprived and around 90% more likely to do things which I am deeply ashamed of later, like being nasty to my kids), hormones kicked in and I was a weepy mess for around 24 hours.
Note to self: I am really, really not a machine.
The end result this week was that I didn't work as much as I planned, although it looks like it will turn out okay if I get a job done on Monday that I plan to do. I have been struggling with whether or not to work on Saturdays. I decided I will not work on Saturdays (or Sundays) and I will trust God to make it okay, because He knows I need a mental health holiday every five days. I just really do. Trusting Him on this is harder than when I didn't have a clear goal of exactly how much I wanted to save every month. The more burned out I am with work, the harder it is to believe that I will actually come up with the amount I want by August. But "nothing is impossible for God." Amen.
Work is going fine. Parenting is not. I stayed up too late working one night, and it was as if I had not eaten in two days. The next day I was weak, dizzy, and barely functioning. There is a hard line in the dirt about how much I need to eat and sleep in order to function and I pushed it too far.
Note to self: I am not a machine.
Then, along with sleep deprivation (which has become something like a hard drug in my life--I am a different person when sleep deprived and around 90% more likely to do things which I am deeply ashamed of later, like being nasty to my kids), hormones kicked in and I was a weepy mess for around 24 hours.
Note to self: I am really, really not a machine.
The end result this week was that I didn't work as much as I planned, although it looks like it will turn out okay if I get a job done on Monday that I plan to do. I have been struggling with whether or not to work on Saturdays. I decided I will not work on Saturdays (or Sundays) and I will trust God to make it okay, because He knows I need a mental health holiday every five days. I just really do. Trusting Him on this is harder than when I didn't have a clear goal of exactly how much I wanted to save every month. The more burned out I am with work, the harder it is to believe that I will actually come up with the amount I want by August. But "nothing is impossible for God." Amen.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
A New Purpose--Introduction
Hi! Welcome and thank you for reading. The purpose of this blog is to document a redemption story and a missionary journey. I am an American mother of two small children (and a puppy) and my goal is to be a missionary in Chiapas, Mexico, where I currently live. I want to reach people through an English as a Foreign Language ministry. This is a long-term goal because God has been showing me that I need to square away a few loose ends before I can dedicate myself to ministry. The plan is:
1. Work to save money to get my childrens' US citizenship papers. Goal: by August 2014
2. Resolve my tax issues and pay all debts. Goal: by March 2015
3. Establish habits of Bible reading and prayer before starting a ministry. Goal: Now to March 2015
4. Seek God's guidance in starting a ministry. Goal: Spring 2015
Getting to the point where I am willing to wait for an entire year has been a huge journey for me. I am someone who likes to get started as soon as the idea occurs to me. However, I can already see that God has different plans for me. I have:
but I need:
I don't plan to blog on a regular or frequent basis as I simplify my life to make these dreams come true, but I do want to write things down publicly just for accountability. So if you are reading this--thank you :) Peace in Christ
--"Makena"
1. Work to save money to get my childrens' US citizenship papers. Goal: by August 2014
2. Resolve my tax issues and pay all debts. Goal: by March 2015
3. Establish habits of Bible reading and prayer before starting a ministry. Goal: Now to March 2015
4. Seek God's guidance in starting a ministry. Goal: Spring 2015
Getting to the point where I am willing to wait for an entire year has been a huge journey for me. I am someone who likes to get started as soon as the idea occurs to me. However, I can already see that God has different plans for me. I have:
- Enthusiasm
- Energy
- Good intentions
but I need:
- Long-term vision
- Patience
- Perseverance
I don't plan to blog on a regular or frequent basis as I simplify my life to make these dreams come true, but I do want to write things down publicly just for accountability. So if you are reading this--thank you :) Peace in Christ
--"Makena"
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